She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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