I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
