your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well I just put wine in my tea
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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