What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
