Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
