do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
