I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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