There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
