Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
