There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
only if we run a train.
done.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
