Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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