I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
