Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
