apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize