I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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