i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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