he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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