11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
