I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
