My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
