I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
