Your face is a jimmy john
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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