The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize