Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
