just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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