Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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