Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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