She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize