the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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