If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
