The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
As shirtless as possible
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
