she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
