I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Barsexuality is the new black.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
