I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
