Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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