shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
