My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We are all done wearing pants today
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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