I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
