Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
