3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
