Umm I'm too high to move.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
