he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
