She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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