Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think your dad took our porno
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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