i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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