my phone needs a breathalizer
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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