yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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