Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
