For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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