I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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