I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
