I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
