Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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