I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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