I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
