And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he thought i was a dude.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize