God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You're a waste of cheezeits
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
