Jerry, you need to find god
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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