do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
