I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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