I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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