oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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