there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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