O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
