Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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