I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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