your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize