Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
