I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
