420 ftw
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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