she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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