I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
