...so i touched it.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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