Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
