Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
