I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
